We've moved

The Cady Chase


We've decided to move our blog permanently (at least for now) to The Cady Chase
It's a more secure/paid for site, with lots of growing space.
And besides, Scott works for Apple, so it's a good trade. I use the Apple for publishing, and he stops whinning about me not using the Apple for publishing.
It probably means that I won't post at the spur of the moment, but I usually have to build up my thoughts in order to post anyway.

I'll keep this blog up until blogger makes me remove it, simply so that people can be redirected, and also because it has become (in a strange way) a piece of me. It was the beginning journaling of our patchwork that has now turned into a piece of our daughter's story.

Please bookmark The Cady Chase site for future thoughts, posts, and ramblings.
All comments are welcomed and appreciated on that site as well.

Our ***FINAL*** travel itinerary

Well, here it is...confirmation of our final itinerary:

March 16 @ 11:30 am- Leave Sacramento
March 17 - @ 7:30 pm-Arrive in Shanghai
(China time is 16 hours ahead of California, but it is a 15 hour trip, so we will arrive in Shanghai @ 2:30 am March 17, California time and 4:30 am March 17, South Dakota time )

March 19 - @ 2:45 pm arrive in HeFei, where Cadence lives now
(March 18 @ 10:45 pm California time)

March 20 @ 9:00 am GOTCHA DAY!
(March 19 @ 5:00 pm California time)

March 24 arrive in Guangzhou (Where the US Counsuate is)

March 29 @ 9:30 am - Leave Gaunzhou to come back home
(March 28 @ 5:30 pm california time)

Arrival back home, to Sacramento Airport on March 29, 12 noon (California time)

Follow our travels from our travel web site: The Cady Chase

Here we go

The Cady Chase <---- Click here Scott created The Cady Chase blog for our travels in China. He's worked hard on it, and has been able to allow comments much like you would here. After we return from China, we'll have to see which one we like better.
Scott's already posting like a mad man in the "He said" section. And you can soon catch my view of things in the "She said" section.

See you on the other side.

Note from Scott: If you had already bookmarked the new blog site, I had to change the address to better suit more browsers and url sharing. I am very very sorry to put you through this.

Feeling the love

A while back, I had the ambition to make a quilt for Cadence out of material that our friends would give us. It never happened. I got busy, one thing lead to another, and I didn't go out and buy a sewing machine, as had been the original intent. Too many other things needed to be bought, and too many other things needed to be done, to bring our baby home.
My mom had sent several swatches to me, and I spoke with a friend at work about her sewing skills. She offered to put together a little something for me, out of the material swatches my mom had sent. I was expecting something very simple.
Today she presented me with this beautiful blanket. It was such a wonderful feeling to know that Ramona had done this, and done it so well. It's very apparent that a lot of attention went into detail. The swatches were of no particular color scheme, and Ramona put them into a pattern that makes them just fit together so well. The back is a very soft material with tiny heart shaped flowers on it, the same tone of green as many of the patches.
Throughout this journey, I think one of the most fulfilling aspect so far, has been the warm, heartfelt acceptance from others. I've received emails from people wishing us the best, and been touched by the stories of others that I would have never even known existed, if we were not also adopting. I've become friends with Renita...the phone agent helping me with our school loans, now also following our journey. I've conversed via email with Ann, an aunt of another person adopting from China. I've received many comments from my friend, Happy, that responded to our blog in the early months, as a random act of finding our blog...He's been cheering us on the entire time, continually making me smile or laugh. And the friendships I've gained from other adoptive parents, and the wonderful support from my friends on MSN Adopting from China all of you have been my backbone through this wait. I've gained so much, and appreciated the sincere kindness, generosity, and positive wishes from friends and family on our journey to Cady. My mom is overjoyed that she will soon have her new grandbaby home. As we go to China, I knew we would be taking with us our friends and family. That was the original purpose of this journal, to be able to share our experiences with our close friends and family, as they happened. But as the months have progressed, I've realized that we are taking many more friends with us to China, friends that we've met along the way.

Thank you, Ramona for the beautiful blanket, and everything else you've done to welcome Cady home.
Scott and I feel so blessed to have such wonderful people that embrace the homecoming of our daughter.

And for those Newman fans out there

A glimpse into Newman's weekend itinerary.
While we worked hard over the weekend, getting things prepared for Cady, Newman also worked hard at...being Newman. He held this incredible position for several minutes, before he twisted into yet another offbeat, stuck-in-a-door-jam, roadkill-imitation pose. He also had to spend the weekend looking at things upside down, and then his ever brilliant brain would translate the vision into a right-side-up position in a matter of nano-seconds. Life is hard when you are so smart that you have to figure out how to turn a boring moment into a challenge.

Busy days...

What a wonderfully busy weekend we had! Saturday, Scott worked for most of the day on the travel link, for while we're in China. He's actually already started writing in his journal there. You can view it at the left of the blog, go to "Significant Milestones", then to "Our travels in China" then, when you're at the Welcome page, click on the tab above titled "He Said" to see what he has already started. I love that he also added a page for Cady that can be added to as we get to know her.

On Sunday, we picked up the crib, and Scott put it together in our bedroom. We're very happy with the selection. It's a convertable 3 in 1. It turns into a toddler bed, then a twin bed. We have discussed sleeping quarters at length, and have decided that, because of the amount of time that she's been in the orphanage, we want her to sleep in our bedroom, and to give her the sense of security that she has never known yet, in her 15 months of life. Her bedroom, for now, will be filled with her clothes and toys. Besides, as crazy as it might sound, it's also a selfish decision to co-sleep in our bedroom with Cady, because both Scott and I completely enjoy the thought of being parents to her, and everything that comes with it.

Today, I sent away for a courier to get our visas prepared, and ordered a mattress for her crib. Then I went to various stores (third day in a row), and stocked up on more items that we will need for the trip and for when we return home....and still more to go. It seems every time I go out, I end up with more things to get.

I also purchased a beautiful Easter dress for her today, with matching pantaloons and white lacy socks. (you can click on the dress to see an enlarged picture). I realized that around 4 weeks after we return from China, it will be Easter. Our first public celebration with our daughter.

And of course, I had to also get a couple of summer outfits,

and a ladybug outfit with a slicker, just in case .....ok who am I kidding? It doesn't rain in the summer here, but it was too cute. And if she needs it, well now she has it.

We officially have unofficial word

We had our travel meeting yesterday, and I was very grumpy about driving 2 hours away, and taking a vacation day to do it. However, none of that affected my delight, when I heard that we have a tentative itinerary in place. We should get official TA next week, but our agency is very confident that these are our dates. If it is changed, it would be by 1 or 2 days difference.

So far, the plan is:
March 10th - Leave for China
March 13th - Gotcha Day
March 21st - US Consulate appointment
March 22nd - Head back home.

Destination: Shanghai, then HeFei, then Guangzhou, then the route back is through Hong Kong.

Looks like we will be leaving exactly 3 weeks now, and we'll be holding Cady only a few days later.

It’s been a long…long ride. We started this journey November 28th, 2004. It will have been nearly 16 months from start to finish, without much time to sit back and breathe through any of it. But we are very much ready for her arrival. The only pictures we have of her, will be six to seven months old when we finally see her. She was 11 months old when the pictures of her were taken (only 4 or 5 months old when the smaller one was taken below. She will be 16 and a half months old when we finally get to hold her. I hope we recognize her. She will be the one with the pensive look in her eye, I’m thinking.

You are appreciated.

So there are only so many things one can do with only 3 pictures, and I am exhausting all of the fun things that I can before we even get more. I found this great application a while ago, and, since I only rarely appear in pictures myself (see Chandleritis in a previous post) I haven't used this much. For now, I am just testing things out so that when we are overwhelmed with pictures of our beautiful daughter, I will be prepared.

The software is called Comic Life and it is a really fun way to manage your pictures, particularly if you are en extensive iPhoto user. (Sorry Windows users, this is yet another cool Mac app that you don't get to have. Why not make the switch today?)



I just can't wait until I am soo busy taking care of my daughter that I can only dream of having spare time to do stuff like this with all of the pictures we have taken of Cady.

So on a serious note..

If you have ever written (or added to as in my case) a blog, you know that the initial intent is to write for yourself. Perhaps you may even start off with the intention of having this set up to share your life with close friends, co-workers, family, etc. After a few postings, you often find yourself checking back every 10 minutes just to see if anyone posted any comments to what you have just written. It becomes an addiction, you just have to know if anyone has read it, if anyone enjoyed your subtle wit, if anyone was moved by your words. It becomes something much more than what it started as. I don't feel bad about it at all. Karen and I are thrilled endlessly about what we are experiencing, and both of us relish any chance to share our excitement with the world.

I've been accused by a certain family member of having a real flair for the dramatic (who me??) and so that might be true. The funny thing is that it defines me so I love it. I want to change the world. I want to write the magical words that cause someone to sit back in their chair and reflect. But I am realistic. This little corner of a million and one blogs will not change the world, though I do enjoy the feeling that Karen and I might help others, whether in knowing more about what this process is about, or in just having a new perception on an old fear.

So to you, our dear readers, I am grateful. There are some absolutely lovely people who have been so very encouraging to us with their kind messages. I'm certain that there are many many lovely people who have read our rants yet did not comment, which is just fine, though we have simply yet to meet.

THE GARDEN

I did not plant you, true.

But when the season is done-

When the alternate prayers for sun

And rain are counted-

When the pain of

Weeding, and the pride of

Watching are through-

Then I will hold you high

A shining sheaf above the

Thousand seeds grown wild

Not by planting, but by Heaven

~My harvest-My child

author unknown

Was she born in the wrong year?

Our daughter was born in the wrong year, I'm certain of it. There must be a mistake somewhere. Perhaps her timing was off?
Maybe when she was in baby heaven, she missed the call for all babies born in the Year of the Ox. It's possible she was fussing about not wanting to look like an Ox in those pretty flowered dresses when her parents were going to see her for the first time.




She held out when the Year of the Horse was called also. Perhaps the Horse was too fast for her. And, the herd left without her? Why the rush? She waited. She figured she would be born in the Year of the Monkey. But, according to our family doctor, that was possibly the wrong choice for her.
I took all of her medical records to our family doctor today. Her head circumference is perfect. She is in the 50 percentile for height of healthy American children, and 75 percentile of weight of healthy American Children. That might make some people say,
"Eh, ok...so?" So, I'll tell you. American health charts have slightly higher averages than Chinese health charts, and being in an orphanage for so long, one would expect that her percentiles would be low on the American health charts, let alone the Chinese ones. He also looked at her white blood cell count, her red blood cell count, her hemoglobin...And several other test results that were sent with her health records. She's slightly anemic, but not any more than expected, being in an orphnage. That can be corrected with diet, soon after we bring her home. He even evaluated what he could of her bone structure from the referral pictures. Everything looks healthy. Perfectly healthy. In fact, he said she's as strong as an ox and healthy as a horse! So, there you have it....She MUST have missed the call when they were calling for Ox's and Horse's ....

But, I think I know why she waited to be born in the Year of the Monkey. She knew what she was doing when she waited. After all...











Who could resist the charm of the Monkey?

Bring me hope

During our first visit with our Social Worker, she said that for many adopted children, their story of "how we all became a family" becomes one of their favorite bedtime stories, they want to hear it over and over again. I've often wondered what we will tell Cady, when we tell her "her story".

I'd asked our social worker several times, "How can we create her story without knowing anything about her past? We won't know if she was loved by anyone, we won't know the circumstances as to why she was abandoned....How can we tell her her story?"
Our Social Worker's main response was usually in the manner of, "It will just come to you. Every story is different. Be honest with her, but let her feel connected to it, in a positive way".

I still don't know how we will concoct the story that Cady will want to hear over and over again, but I do know these things;
I have a lot of admiration for the birth mother of our daughter. In China it's legal to have an abortion, but illegal to abandon a child. So, Cady's birth mother carried our child in her womb to full term, then secretly left her at the entrance to a community village, knowing Cady would be found in an open and well traveled area, and only hoping that Cady would be one of the fortunate ones to be adopted.

I've been told by other adoptive parents, that most likely, Cady's birth mother was from a different village, because it would be too risky to leave a child at the entrance of her own village. Hearing that, I realized, her birth mother (parents) traveled, possibly by foot, to a neighboring village, away from their own village...All the while, knowing that they were on the path to the most difficult task they could ever partake in.

I wish there were a way to ease her birth mother's heavy heart. I'm certain that she thinks of Cadence daily, and wonders what has happened to the bundle she left, only 4 days after giving birth. What strength this woman must possess.

There are still pieces of her story that are kept with our daughter in the SWI. After 15 months, surely there's a favored nanny or a treasured memory that we'll hear from one of the caretakers to incorporate into her story for her. We hope to gather those pieces of her story; her history, while we're visiting Anhui, the SWI and her finding spot.
I'm sure also, her story will evolve as we evolve with her.

Tonight, Scott showed me a 7 minute video that he had downloaded to the iPod, earlier today. I had actually seen a while back, but that was before we knew who our daughter was. I was so touched by the video that I wanted to share it with those of you that read our blog.

Click on the "7 min Version" then choose "play"
http://www.bringmehope.org/dvd/index.html

What did I miss?

So I think the biggest thing that I have been stressing about lately is what I am currently missing. At the time that we made the decision to have our child, the age that we initially wanted to request (16-24 months) just felt right to me. Ironically, a younger age felt right to Karen. She wanted a baby. Perhaps it's yet another good example of how we balance each other out. Fortunately we had more time to discuss this before we formally made our request, and settled on an age fitting nearly between our initial thoughts.

In hindsight, I still have no regrets for our selection, and I struggle to even mention that, as it should never need to be mentioned. There is no other child for us, and I believe that our discussion period was influenced by a higher source anyhow. We will now have the baby that we were meant to have.

We received Cady's story when we signed the referral papers, though it was in Mandarin, and we had no idea what it said. We recently received the translated version, and, as much of this has been recently, it was both thrilling and sad.

I will try to sum up several pages, though this is still to be long.

Cady was born on October 26th, 2004. She was found in front of the entrance of Hui Shin community village by a village resident. (Karen and I have been searching all over to see if we can identify where this is, but have had no luck so far)

2 months old: Showed interest in her surroundings.
3 months old: Played with her hands after eating.
4 months old: Smiling, moving about her crib, touching her crib's hanging toys.
5 months old: Roll from supine to prone position, and could sit when held.
6 months old: Would turn to face someone who called her name, and could hold her toy with one hand.
7 months old: Able to sit alone for some minutes.
8 months old: Able to stand for a short time while holding onto something.
9 months old: At times she would wave her hand to say "goodbye".
10 months old: Plays with other children.

This is the point in which the history ends. I am certain that she continues to advance, and I suspect that she may already be walking, or will be by the time we get to her. This hurts a little. It's great to see how she has developed, and I'm thrilled to see that she is growing on par with a healthy child. On a down note, this document kinda feels like a "neener neener this is what you have missed" log.

I really want my chance at the "Daddy moments" (Karen can find her own mommy moments) that I've never been able to experience, and walking seems like one of the most significant ones. I'm going to miss that one. In discussing this with a coworker, he smiled and said "You'll get plenty of others, including one of the best ones". I stood there for a moment, trying to think of what could surpass the first steps, and things like high school graduation, marriage, becoming a grandparent... He could see the gears spinning, so then added in "When you get to help her learn to ride a bike."

Wow.. That would be a big moment.

I was relaying this to Kris, my closest friend at work, and she looked at me in surprise and said something to the order of "How about when she first says Daddy?"

Ok so I've been looking at it all wrong. Sure someone else gets those early moments, but I get all of the rest of them.

Welcome baby Cadence!

On Friday, I returned to work, after getting our referral information on Thursday, and found that my friends there had spruced up my work station. It was so much fun coming back to work knowing that my friends were cheering me on. It was the ending of a wonderful week.

4 months older, now?

We've come to realize that the only pictures we have of our daughter, were taken around 3 or 4 months ago. The medical information given to us with the referral is dated 9/20/05. It's a diffucult thought to acknowledge that our child looks comepletely different by now. Four months have gone by since the pictures were probably taken...four months. It was noted in the medical referral that she had 4 teeth then, and was barely standing. The pictures we were given were probably taken when she was 11 or 12 months old. She's now 15 months old.
Knowing this, it seems that with all the waiting we went through, Cady was ready for us several months earlier. But with the slowdowns that occured with CCAA, we believe her information sat, waiting for ours to catch up. Fortunately, we have an adoption agency that is small, and they tend to get travel arrangements with the US Consulate in China, to happen in about 5 weeks. This is fast compaired to larger agencies. It means that we should be holding Cady as soon as March 1st.
I have no doubt she's well taken care of. Her legs look strong and she looks very healthy. And one common theme I've heard about our daughters, is that they are resiliant. Knowing that she's 15 months old, I was releived when I saw that Half The Sky is active in the orphanage. Half The Sky was started by a woman in Berkley, California, who's daughter was also adopted from China. And from all the research I've done, they are also the most active right there, in Cady's orphanage. She is hugged daily by grandmothers, and played with. Here's a link to a couple of news documentaries that tell more, thanks to my frined David.
I've also gotten to know Christina, who's going with her husband to the same SWI (Social Welfare Institute), to get their child next week. Our daughters are only 2 months apart in age, and most likely, they're playmates. It's a lofty thought, but I'm hoping she can take updated photos of Cady. She's going to do what she can, and it's probably a 50/50 chance that she'll succeed, as the director of the SWI has to agree to taking any pictures of children other than her own, but it's worth a shot. And we are greatly appreciative that Christina will try.

Our big, big day (the first of 3)

So I've given a day for everyone to see my baby (Daddy's girl) before I posted some of the events on Thursday.

First, as mentioned before, we were both exhausted. I closed my eyes the night before, and though I don't remember dreaming or waking up at any point during the night, I awoke physically tired. I felt like I could close my eyes at any time and place and I would be out cold. The dream I mentioned in the previous post occurred after waking up, then laying back down to try to at least rest and pass the time until we could leave the house. I guess it was good practice for what is to come, sneaking sleep whenever possible, both while in China, and until Cady is sleeping through the nights.

The drive to the adoption agency can be very difficult during the morning and evening business rush, but we were fortunate in this instance to be doing our driving after that rush. All the same, it was a long 25 minutes to get there, naturally made to feel like hours due to the circumstances. We really were calm throughout the drive, and talked about nothing particular for the drive. Karen and I have pretty much said everything about our little girl every day since making the decision. In our hearts we have been raising her since she was 1 month old, but we didn't know who she was yet.

Well, we knew her spirit. She was with us the whole time. Cady was born 1 month and 1 day before Karen and I began discussing an adoption. We decided on the very same day that it was what we were going to do. Now, knowing that Cady was already present when we made this decision, I now sit and wonder just how much we decided, and how much Cady had already decided for us.

We took the video camera with us, so that we could have our agent record us when we finally saw her picture. There are two reasons that nobody may ever see the video that we filmed that day. The first is that we were leveled. This was the culmination of 14 months of pure focus. This was the epicenter of all of our work. We didn't shout, squeal, or cry. We just stared at this little girl, our little girl. Somehow I had the thought in my mind that these pictures would show a glowing, giggling little angel with all of her spirit and energy radiating on film. This is not what we saw. Our little angel looked healthy, well developed, and waiting for us. Our little girl is waiting for us in China, and it's still more than a month until we can save her. I (and I think Karen too) painted on our smiles for the agent, and we looked over the documents ever so carefully, as if the pages were made of rice paper, and would tear of we turned them too fast. We were thrilled to finally be able to put a face to all of the feelings we had, but this was very bittersweet.

Over the past few months, Karen had often asked me if I was feeling anxious, excited, or anything about it. I was content at that point in knowing that it would happen when it happened. There was nothing we could do to influence the amount of time we had yet to wait. On Thursday, this changed. We saw our daughter. We could now see this presence that we had felt for so long.

And she was still in China. It will still be 5 weeks until I get to see my daughter's smile. This child, who has been ours for 14 months, is still being kept from us.

So this video, intent on capturing our overbearing joy, was now capturing my realization that for 14 months, someone has been keeping our daughter from us. I was sad, and immensely angry that we did not have our child. I don't care about seeing China. I don't care about paperwork. I don't want to wait 5 weeks to go there, and 2 days to finally hold her, and 10 days until she can finally come to her home. I want them to give me my daughter now.

I maintained my composure throughout, but there was a lot of realizations happening to me now, triggered by a tiny pair of brown eyes, in a photograph that I have no idea how old it is. This is what was being captured on this video.

So today I went back to work. I paint on a smile, and try to keep my energy up. I try not to feel tired, angry, or sad. I give my customers the best service the industry has ever had. I have Cady's picture sitting on my desk, so that I can watch her all day long. Sometimes her picture even seems to have her smiling, just a little bit, perhaps proud that she is standing all by herself. Or maybe just to say "I'll be waiting."

I work with a great group of people, and I'll never grow tired of hearing how beautiful my daughter is, and how lucky I really am to have her. Each time someone asks about her, or every opportunity I have to wave her picture around allows me to beam with pride that my time is coming. I'm grateful for all of those chances to be a proud daddy even now.

I'm sorry to offer a post that may seem sad and down, but we try to show the real experience to those people waiting for their referral. I want you all to know that it can be hard, but I do know that our rewards are coming, and I am confident that our pain now will make our happiness later, all the more wonderful. Stick to it you guys, your angel is being as patient as a baby can be. Your reward is coming.

Incidentally, the second reason the video may never be shown to the public goes like this. I hate to mention the show, as I am not a real fan, but I do recall the episode of Friends in which Chandler and Monica have to get their engagement picture (Episode 151). I remember this because it describes me to a tee. I do not photograph well. I have a decent smile, but when I am trying to smile for a picture or video, I am quite the dopey looking guy.

Whew!

I'm tired, really tired.

We didn't sleep much last night, as anyone would have expected, and we were up early (Karen at 4:30 and I think I made it to 6:00). Fortunately, we were able to Make ourselves busy to pass the time. I think Karen was reading other peoples blogs, and I was laying on the bed trying to just close my eyes and hope I could feel some rest.

The interesting thing was that in a very short time, I had some type of dream. I remember only a little, but in that dream, Karen's mother was here for support, and, in the dream, I was loopy, as if I had taken some sleeping pills, and barely able to stand. When, still in the dream, it was time to go, we went outside to get in the car, and one of my own brothers, trying very hard to help us, removed the engines from both of our cars to make sure they worked properly...

I can't tell you any more of that dream, because it was then that Karen woke me up to get ready to go.

The drive was rather uneventful, and we were both fairly calm as we drove closer to this new destiny. It was about 10 minutes from arrival that Karen started to crack. Just the butterflies and nervousness, and not any real mania, though I did have the video camera ready just in case she went really crazy.

So that's about enough of the rambling. I can imagine you probably want to see some pictures now.

Our daughter

This beautiflu picture is from Half the Sky Foundation. It says to me what my heart is feeling right now. The girl stands on The Great Wall, and holds a red ribbon to the wind, reaching to the other end.

Our daughter is in a SWI (social welfare institute) which gainfully utilizes Half the Sky . I was overjoyed when I saw that.

(We get pictures Thursday morning, and we'll post them ASAP)

I got the call at 10:43 this morning. I had promised Scott that I would not ask anything about her; the way she looks, her age, or anything else. We had promised each other that we would be getting to know her together when we get her picture and information.
OK So, I cheated a little. When I talked with our agency rep, I told her that I don't want to know the age, but an age range would be good. She said, when we travel in about 5 weeks, she will be about 17 months old. I asked some details about her Province and her Chinese name.

As soon as I wrote down the name, I started crying. It was real. It was more than pushing papers, signing on the dotted line and handing over money. She had a name. My friends at work gathered and gave me wonderful hugs, which made me cry more.
Then I called Scott. When I told him we have a daughter, he insisted on knowing the age, and everything he could. So, waiting to know "everything later", ended as quickly as it began.
We can't see her till tomorrow morning, but I called the agency again, and got detailed information:
She is in the Anhui Provence. This is in the westernmost part of east China.
Her Chinese name is Qing-Rong, (pronounced Ching-Roong). In Chinese, it means Blue Lotus.
Her birthday is October 26, 2004. Tomorrow she will be exactly 15 months old.
She is a Scorpio, and was born in the Chinese year of the Monkey.
(Scott is also a Scorpio and born in the year of the Monkey)
She does not have a bad haircut, and in the pictures she's wearing a pretty, flowered dress. (the "mom" in me just had to ask)
She weighs 22 lbs and is 28 inches tall.
She is perfectly perportioned.
She is our daughter.

The stork is in flight!!!!

We've just gotten word that our daughter's fate rests the beak of the stork right now! Her referral information is on it's way to our adoption agency, as of Monday (China time). We should hear from our agency on Wednesday, and will be viewing her records by Thursday or Friday -at the latest.

I have NO idea how I'm going to work this week! My body will be at work, but my thoughts will be with our little girl.

When? Who? What? Where?....Did I ask WHEN?!?

Someone please answer the questions above! I've been working overtime to try to take my mind off of the ever burning question of when the next set of referrals will be sent. However, that's no longer making the wait time faster. Instead, I find myself talking to customers at our call center, and rolling my eyes or getting edgy with their requests. I think both Scott and I have raw nerves by now. The smallest mishaps push me into hypersensitivity mode. The smallest irritations are amplified in my mind. If you've ever been pregnent and started labor pains,.....remember how irritated you became when you were in labor? And for all you men reading this...remember how easily irritated she got when she was in labor? Well, guess what? The last part of this wait feels the same way, without the contractions, so I suppose for all the other couples reading this and waiting for a referral, that's a plus.
It's rumored that the referrals will be sent on Monday, but no-one has concrete information on that rumor yet. In Spain, I'm told, perspective parents are already celebrating. But, I'm waiting to find out for sure before I get excited.
We submitted our dossier in April, '05. In it, we requested a child between 18 and 28 months. It's been made clear to us that we might receive a child much younger, simply because we are not 45 yrs old, and therefore we're not in the age category for older toddlers/children.
I'll be happy with any age to 28 months. But what bothers me, is that our child (no matter her age now), has been in an orphanage longer than expected. It's quite possible that CCAA had access to her referral information before October or November, when we were originally expecting her referral. And perhaps, there it sat.....waiting to be matched during the slow down time that CCAA has experienced these past few months, while she sat in an orphanage. That's what makes this waiting the toughest.
So, please...someone tell me when! I really don't care about the who, the what, or the where right now.

Adoptions in the Animal Kingdom

Johannesburg - Rottie the rat thinks he is a bird... But it comes as no surprise when one realises that Madam and Tokkelos, two lovebirds, are raising this rodent.
Owner of the lovebirds, Connie Viljoen, from Florida, said Rottie moved in with Madam and Tokkelos about four months ago.
At that stage he was still very young and helpless - but the two lovebirds took over.
"One day we realised the birds were carrying on as if they were breeding but there were no eggs. That's when we discovered the small pink rat in a nest."
Viljoen said Madam initially fed Rottie bird food but they soon realised his favourite food was spinach. "When Rottie got bigger, Madam and Tokkelos taught him to eat from the bowls at the bottom of the cage."
But Rottie doesn't do this often. "He spends most of his time in the nest and the birds feed him," said Viljoen.
Madam and Tokkelos are so taken with the newcomer that they clean his nest every day. "They literally take everything out and then pack everything back neatly."
Rottie meanwhile believes he is all bird. When he does leave his nest, he sits on a narrow wooden perch - imitating Madam and Tokkelos.
Viljoen meanwhile set up a video camera in the nest so she can keep an eye on what's happening. Once Rottie is all grown up, she hopes to find another baby rat for the lovebirds to raise.
"I would really like to see exactly how the birds raise such an animal," she said.
But Rottie is assured of a home with Madam and Tokkelos, as Viljoen has no plans to get rid of her "rat bird".
--Katrien Smit


Here are some other photos of animals with a nurturing bond.



















This tigress and her piglets caught me off guard.























Mom grooming her baby??















This picture of a Hedgehog with a broken limb,
and the squirrel's interest was just too cute.














Think the dog's confused?






















These two both look content.


What is it that drives us to nurture and to be nurtured; to give and receive affection? And how is it that the look of nurturing and affection are so easily noticable in the faces of those interacting?







This one is clearly not an adoption, but it was so cute. Mothers speak a universal language.

Waiting for that ever evasive phone call

I haven't posted anything lately, mostly because we're in adoption limbo. CCAA will be sending referrals sometime this coming week, and we really have no idea if our child's profile is in that bunch. We've waited and waited and hoped and waited. At this point, nothing will surprise us more than actually getting our daughter's referral this time around. Rumors are buzzing in the adopting forums, and if the rumors are correct, we will be getting the "call" either next week or the week after.......Ahhh, the call. The call that tells us we have a daughter. The call that tells us to come to the office to view pictures of the person that will forever change our lives. The call that will make me happy and scared and relieved and anxious. The call that validates all the time we've waited. The call that makes everything else seem so insignificant. The call that will make me wonder if I can do this all over again. The call that will open my heart to the mistakes that I've made in the past, and the things that I've done right.
So we sit, and we wait. And we wait, and we hope. And we hope, and we pray. And so it goes.....at least until Monday or Tuesday.

Yes, I do exist (posted by Scott)

So my first entry into this, our journey.

Though I have waited this long to expose my own thoughts and feelings here in a public format, I have always been involved with the writings here, though always in the background in an advisory position. Sometimes I helped, other times I may have made things worse.

I was originally apprehensive when Karen started this blog, as that which you have become privy to is our private lives, thoughts, and experiences. When it was clear to me the level of commitment that Karen had for this, I was happy that she was able to find a medium for sharing this experience with family and friends.

I'll tell you a little something about Karen and her postings here. In her writings, she appears calm, cool, and collected. This is really not entirely true. Karen reads a lot of message boards covering adoptions, particularly those from China. It's a wonderful source for information and comaraderie. It has been invaluable to us both in getting through all of this.

Recent discussions that we have had involve bonding with our daughter. One of the first apparent obstacles with an adopted child is forming that bond. Many people, Karen included become extremely concerned about this issue. From the first meeting with our agency, this has been stressed to us. What you do not see is when Karen tells me of things she has read, with visible concern in her eyes.

My answer is always the same. This will not happen to us.

At this point she will stop, look at me, then relax. This is not some bold overconfidence that causes me to so easily answer her concerns with just a few words. It's not that I have any secret mystical formula to use to ensure this. Every child, has problems and issues, whether they are born from us, or born for us. It doesn't matter whether these children were born in different cities, states, or even countries. Sure, the issues can vary culturally, and Karen and I will see obstacles that are different from the family across the street. They will be different indeed, but they will not be unique, and they will not be more or less extreme.

We will have successes, and we will have failures. Sometimes we will choose the right path, and sometimes perhaps the wrong one. We are going to make mistakes. These are the standard parental issues. We can only fail at parenting if we stop trying, and we will not. This is how I can so easily answer those concerns she has. We're going to make mistakes. All parents make mistakes. If parenting were easy, most everyone would have kids...

Oh wait...

All this I can go through with absolute confidence of success. If I spend all my time worrying about succeeding, I will likely miss out on the joys of the journey, and I definitely don't want to miss out on any of this.

Besides, I do have a couple of secret weapons. The first I will share with you now, the second I will save for another posting. Here you will now see why everything will be alright.



Einstein says it will be ok. You can't argue that.

Here's to the new year

Here's to family. Here's to friends. Here's to China.
Here's to the pictures that will change our lives. Here's to long waits and compelling bonds.
Here's to adjusting to each other. Here's to waking at 3 am. Here's to tired parents and sleepy days. Here's to watching her sleep.
Here's to kissing the hurt away.
Here's to new sights, new sounds, new words, new awareness. Here's to newness.
Here's to dolls and books and puzzles.
Here's to bows and Mary Janes. Here's to messy hair and bare feet.
Here's to endless questions and inquisitive eyes. Here's to magical holidays.
Here's to love.
Here's to the coming year. And here's to what we make of it.
Here's to you, my friend.
And here's to me.

The results are in.......

....and from the photo finish, it looks as if Little-Bit-Of-April wins the purse.


From the official CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs) website, the Chinese officials that matches families. This post was updated today:

"The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documents registered with our office in May 2005.

The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before April 25, 2005."

This means that CCAA only matched up to the people that have been waiting since April 25th, and we've been officially waiting since May 6th. I'm somehow not all that upset. I feel comfort in knowing that things are going exactly as planned. There's a much bigger picture being painted on our pallet than which day we get to actually see Cadence. It's sad, but not as I would have expected.
I'm also very happy for those that did get notice of their referrals, because it's such a joy to watch families in the making.

However, it looks as if CCAA will be doing another match in mid/late January, and we will definitely be in that batch. At least we will know to expect to be matched, instead of wondering.

This is one of our first posts, from our blog's June 2005 Archives:

"...we are very anxiously awaiting the referral so we can bring her home. We have no idea what she looks like, or her age or even if she is currently in foster care or an orphanage. But we know she is there now. We had originally expected our daughter in September, but we got held up by a few glitches in the adoption system. We have learned that this process is a very fluid one, indeed. Currently, our expected time to go to China, is in November, although that can certainly change if paperwork gets backed up while waiting for them to match us in China.
At one time, our Social Worker asked us, 'Why China? Why adoption?'
and Scott's response was very poetic. He said,
'We have a daughter in China. She doesn't know it yet, but our daughter is waiting for us to finish all this paperwork so that we can come get her, and bring her home.'
....And so begins our journey."

That was his sentiment at the beginning of our journey, before our snag in our paperwork which set us back almost two months to finish our dossier, before our agency waited an extra month after we turned in our dossier to be sent to China, before CCAA started cutting their referrals in half. And I've held Scott's simple words in my head and in my heart this entire time.






I'm at peace knowing that we are aligned with one child that's been, and is currently, moving toward us as we move toward her.

It's Post Time

((We're now officially on on the edge of our seats, waiting to see if CCAA will send out the next set of referrals that were logged in by April 30th, 2005, or extend it to those logged in by May 10th, 2005. We were logged-in May 6th. Many agencies are now claiming that the next set of referrals will include those logged in by May 10th. If that's the case, we could expect a referral by next week....And now for your viewing pleasure....Here's a look inside my head))



And they're off..

The race starts fast with the handsome Dee Tee Cee taking the lead on the first turn and then sets a quick pace the rest of the mile.

Two-Weeks-At-A-Time takes the sharp Pacific Illusion out of fourth and comes alongside the leader at the three quarters and around the final turn until MayBy10Days begins to pull away thanks to a :28.1 final panel.

Two-Weeks-At-A-Time passes all others, and keeps a steady pace as she moves to a confident first place while Pacific Illusion holds gamely with Little-Bit-Of-April for second. MayBy10Days pushes forward again, now gaining on Pacific Illusion. It's a challenge for MayBy10Days to push Pacific Illusion back, while Little-Bit-Of-April gives way to the prospect.

RealityJumpsIn takes Pacific Illusion by the side rail, distracting long enough for MayBy10Days to catch the lead. Coming up on the final leg, it looks as if Little-Bit-of-April is catching a second wind. Little-Bit-Of-April is giving a run for the money but she might be too lean to win the race. Little-Bit-Of-April is now railing from off the pace to take second-place money. And...Yes..It looks like MayBy10Days.

{silence} .......................... {more silence} ...........................


Hold on to your tickets. We're now waiting on the photo finish results. Which will it be?

MayBy10Days or Little-Bit-Of-April ?

Three important things we will be taking to China

We'll be taking money to China.....lots and lots Ben Franklin's. Probably around $10,000. I don't like having that much cash on hand, but a lot of it goes to the agency guide within the first few days of being in China, then they will be paying most of our fees within the first few days for us. The money left over will be cashed in for yuan (Chinese dollars), and kept in our money pouches while we visit shops and vendors. Many of the items we might want to get while in China we'll need cash for, some places take credit cards, but we don't want to be pondering on a special item and then realize we need cash...It's not as if we'll be going back any time soon, so if we see something we think will be important for Cady or ourselves in the future, we want to be able to get it. We're planning on getting at least one thing a year for Cadence until she's 18 years old. And of course, strands of pearls, jade bracelets, all the necessities. So, yeah, this is the first set of Franklins we got from the bank, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

We'll be taking this teddy to China. Mom sent Cady this teddy bear because I told her that we wanted a very soft animal for her "gotcha day". We'll use it as a transitional item to comfort her. I love that the card says, "from Grandma 2005" It makes it all feel real.

We'll also be taking this blanket to China. Actually, I think the technical term is "niny", or at least when I was a toddler, niny was the name of any blanket which was mine, and had silky edges. Scott's sister, Cindy made this blanket out of fleece. She also made a blanket of the same material for a twin bed, and a really cute tote bag.

Well, there ya have it...Three of the most important things to bring to China.

Three important things we won't be taking to China

Sabrina won't be going to China with us- She always sleeps these days anyway, so she wouldn't miss China...It would be one big blur to her, of dreams, half barks and twitches.

Old habits die hard. This is a picture of her (also sleeping), 17 years ago.

Keegan won't be going either...I think he is actually going to miss the adventures of China. He's usually happy and curious. Cady is going to be his best sibling yet! Stay tuned for the Adventures of Keegan and Cady.

Keegan will finally have someone to throw his toys and leave him pieces of food trails....All day! Yep, Cady is going to be his best sibling yet. However, I have a feeling that we're going to have to establish which are Cady's toys and which are his. I might have to tag Cady's toys with lotions or lightly scented perfume to keep him from arguing with Cady over the toys.

Then there's Newman. He won't like Cady. He doesn't like anyone except for Scott, and sometimes me. We've figured out he is socially retarded...But that doesn't stop him from being a lounge lizard when no visitors are around. Yes, he can do without the hustle and bustle of China. As for little girls, Newman would prefer that Cady gets her own den! But, hopefully it won't take long for things to settle in after we bring Cady home. I do, however, think that Newman is going to be spending a lot of time outside in the springtime, which he would like to do, regardless. Cady would just be a motivating factor for that endeavor.

And just in case you were wondering, Newman finds this yoga position very comfortable. He usually looks like he got ran over by a truck. This is a picture taken of him last summer...Same position, shorter hair.

Christmas Spirit

May the Christmas Spirit hold you in the coming year

Grandma's gift

Scott and I have discussed the concept of Santa and whether or not to introduce Cadence to the whole idea. We talked about the possibility of her thinking that we are not completely honest with her when she finds out that Santa doesn't exist. It's a dilemma we've struggled with. Being adopted, we want to be honest with her as she grows older, but we also want her to believe in things you cannot see. A couple of days after having this conversation, a package arrived from my mom. The package contained two holiday wrapped gifts.
One labeled: For Karen and Scott, from Mom
And one labeled: For Karen, from Santa.
It was perfect timing. I chided Scott that Santa still believes in me, therefore I believe in Santa. It was a logical conclusion, and an easy way to get the last laugh.


Today, I opened the gift from Santa. It's a beautifully painted, wooden Santa ornament that my grandmother had saved. Mom said in a note that Grandma had three of them in a cedar chest. After Grandma passed away, five years ago, Mom found them and kept them in Grandma's cedar chest. She said that she'd forgotten about them until now, and decided to send one of them to me this year. It's possible that Grandma had the three ornaments tucked away for myself and my two brothers, intending to give them to us before she passed on...and it's also possible that she had simply purchased three of them from a catelogue because of their beauty, and for a possible discount if you buy three or more...It doesn't matter.

What matters is that Santa was real for me today. I saw Santa's magic happen when I opened that gift. It's just a painted wooden ornament, but it's my treasure, and it means the world to me. . And I believe that if Grandma didn't intend to give it to me while she was alive, she certainly intended to give it to me now. Grandma influenced Mom to send it now of all times, because she was using it to show me the importance of believing in things we cannot see, to have faith in the power of believing, to give that gift of faith to our daughter.....To believe in God, Guardian Angels, grandmas, faeries, and even Santa can be a wonderful thing.

Grandma, in her humble but timely manner, gave me a glimpse of what it was like to be a child again, and the magic of believing.

You always did know what to do, in your subtle ways, Grandma. I love you and I miss your presence in this world.




My son and my grandma 20 yrs ago(Daniel and his Nana)

Your guess is as good as mine

CCAA has not let any secrets out to our agency, but several rumors are swishing around other agencies that our group of waiting parents will get referrals either late December or sometime in January. However, I'm not holding my breath. It seems that every time I've thought we'd get to see a picture of our Cadence, something's happened to set us back, yet another two weeks...another month...another season.

So here we are, playing the guessing game. C'mon, sing along with us....If I only knew how that song should go, I'd have it memorized by now. Quite honestly though, I don't even know why I'm so anxious to get her referral. I'm frazzled when it comes to knowing what to pack for China. I'm still hoping we'll have enough money to take to China with us. And to add to the list of things to cross off the to-do list, Cady's room is far from completed. I continue to procrastinate when it comes to purchasing a highchair or rocking chair. Actually, I used to shake my head in disbelief when I heard there were parents that don't purchase anything before they see their child's face, for fear it would jinx their reality of getting a child. Now I wonder if they knew something that I didn't.

So, when will we see our Cady? If you would've asked me that question last March, I would have proclaimed, "Sometime in September '05." If you would've asked me that same question...which many did, in September '05, I would have announced, "It seems now, we will get to see her picture in November '05....Ya see, there was a small glitch in getting everything to China". If you would've asked me in November, I would have said with a sigh, "Maybe December '05. Now, there's been a few slow downs in China that are affecting adoptions." And if you ask me this month, the answer is.... "Maybe this month, maybe January....perhaps February, depending on what happens and how many referrals CCAA sends out before Chinese New Year, which starts January 29th. Your guess is as good as mine."

By the way, if you hear of our referral before I do, feel free to email me. I'll be here....waiting.

I had a dream last night

I had a dream last night that I was gazing at a pillar that's outside the window, at work. The pillar had some bugs fluttering on it. I wasn't sure at first, but I speculated that they were ladybugs. They could've been any kind of critter, but as I got closer to the window, I was able to confirm that they were indeed, ladybugs...Maybe 2 or 3 at first, then another and another...until there were about 20 or more. When I looked closer, they were about twice the size of normal ladybugs. The fact that they were bigger than normal was significant enough to think that it was a good thing. I remember wanting to get a picture of the coveted bugs, so that I could send it to CCAA for proof of them.
It was a strange dream, but I woke up happy and content.

View a previous post about adopting from China, and ladybugs here

Matches for April 2005

Today, adoption agencies everywhere around the world, announced that they had received referrals from China, for families waiting since April 1st - April 15th. We've been waiting since May 6th, so we're very close to getting our referral. It's taken much longer than expected, but somehow it feels like the timing is right.
Congratulations to all the waiting families that now have a face to match the name!
It's very possible that we'll receive our referral in January. With Chinese New Year starting January 29th, and lasting upwards of more than two weeks, CCAA has been known to send two sets of referral batches in January to avoid the rush during Chinese New Year. If CCAA sends a full month in January, we will be in that batch, and if they continues to send referrals of only half months, then our referral will be either in late January or mid/late February.
It's been a long journey, but every step is one step closer.

Yes, Electric Company, there IS a Santa Clause!

Now, these people have the Christmas Spirit. They're donating hundreds of dollars to their local electric company. Won't you too, please give generously to your local Electric Company Fund Foundation? It would make a CEO's holiday so much brighter.

See the entire light show orchestrated to music from this link. Make sure you have your speakers on, so you can get the full effect.

You've gotta watch this!

Just like starting over

Three years ago today, we were married. I'm still amazed that we actually made it beyond all the obstacles. And never, in my wildest dreams, did I think we would be looking forward to having a daughter together. I really thought my opportunity for more children had passed me by.

I'm so happy to be on this journey with you.
You're my best friend.
And I love you with all my heart.

Our wedding pictures

Happy Anniversary, Sweetie.

Erma Bombeck had a wonderful way of writing

When the good Lord was creating mothers, He was into the sixth day of overtime and an angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And the Lord said, "Have you seen the specs on this order?" "She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; Have 180 moveable parts... all replaceable; Run on black coffee and leftovers; Have a lap that disappears when she stands up; A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointing relationship; And six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said," Six pairs of hands...no way!"

"It's not the hands that are causing the problems," said the Lord. "It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."

"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. " One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, "What are you kids doing in there?" when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here infront that can look at a child when he goofs up and say 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word."

"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve gently,
"Go to bed. Tomorrow..."

"I can't," said the Lord, " I'm too close to creating something so much like myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick... can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger... and can get a nine year old to stand under the shower."

The angel circled the model of the mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.

"But tough!" said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure."

"Can it think?"

"Not only think, but it can reason and comprimise," said the Creator.

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There's a leak, " she pronounced. "I told you you were trying to put too much into this model."

"It's not a leak," said the Lord, "it's a tear."

"What's it for?"

" It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride."

"You're a genius!" said the angel.

The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it there."

-Erma Bombeck

Forever families

Official news on the CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs) website in China:

"The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documents registered with our office in May 2005. The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office in March 2005."

What does this mean, you ask? Well, I'm only certain that it means exactly what it says...That we (being registered with CCAA on May 6th), have cleared CCAAs review room, and everything was correctly submitted to them. It also means that they are now working on referring babies with families that are one month ahead of us (the families registered with CCAA in April 2005), and that these soon-to-be parents will be going to their agencies to review the info on their children sometime very soon...perhaps next week.
But, most importantly, for us, it means that our dossier is now in the matching room, either being matched or waiting to be matched with our child's dossier.

A parent's desire

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings.
~Hodding Carter

Dance Dance Revolution. The party's at Marc's.

Marc (my brother) preparing Thanksgiving dinner....barbequed lamb, and of course, turkey.

The infamous Nicole (yeah, the small girl on the left) beat everyone at Dance Dance Revolution.

Nicole and Daniele (my neice and sister in law)

Char (my son's girlfriend) and my mom

Nicole and Char

Nicole and Marc (brother and his daughter)

Marc and my son, Daniel, laughing

As always, I was able to go to my brother's for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, Scott couldn't go this year because he had to work early on Friday morning. I still wouldn't have missed it, because, like many other families, it's the main time my family gets together. My dad and his wife were unable to attend because it's difficult for my grandmother to travel these days, but we still had a blast. We (or should I say, my neice, Nicole mostly) spent a lot of time doing Dance Dance Revolution in the game room. That little girl can go FOREVER! I think she burned off the dinner calories for everyone there.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thank you

One year ago, Thanksgiving Day 2004, we made the decision to adopt a child from China. What more perfect day to decide to have a child, than the day we always give thanks for our blessings.
I thought tonight, as I was driving home from work....of all the things I am thankful for, and I started thanking God for so many things I've been given, for so many times I've been blessed and protected. I visualized pieces of my life, times I've been frightened, happy, content, loved, in need, and for each piece of that puzzle of my life I said, "Thank you".
-Thank you for giving to me my son, for his giggles as a child, for the times I've been loved, for the flowers he picked from the neighbors yard, for the closeness we share today.
-Thank you for the memories of Arin, Angel and Rosie, for times they loved me, for times we felt like a family, for trusting me with their love.
-Thank you for influencing Eric to do what he could do, and for our younger years when all things were new.
-Thank you for my parents, and my brothers, and for gracing my childhood with the beauty of the countryside.
-Thank you for the things that never happened, that could have been devistating.
-Thank you for the friends that are lifelong....Carrie, Cherie, Kris...friends that, for one reason or another have a strong link to my life.
-Thank you for bringing Scott to my life, for finding him, and for uniting us against all odds.
-Thank you for keeping Daniel safe, and for blessing him with such a beautiful and sweet girlfriend, Char.
-Thank you for bringing my family together again, and most importantly, for wanting to be a family on Thanksgiving Day and always.

Baby needs a new pair of shoes

Scott has recently been promoted to a new position with Apple Computer. He was asked to pilot a new project in the company, along with 3 others within the company that were sought out. The new position starts December 1st. I'm so proud of him. He's a humble man, and rarely toots his own horn. He's also extremely talented, and I'm glad that Apple recognizes this.

This promotion came at an opportune time because it includes a fairly sizable pay raise. The future holds promises for his advancement within the company as he's one of just a few colleagues that were selected to spearhead this project, opening the opportunity to train and manage a team in the future.

Equally important, this will allow us to save more money for our travels to China, and could possibly mean more time for me to be at home with Cady before returning to work.

Stepping through to the other side

Waiting for Cady is magical and at the same time frustrating. We know there's a little girl in China that's living her life the only way she knows how. She follows the routine given her, and accepts her meals and sleep time as they come. I think it's a blessing that she doesn't know there's anything different waiting for her. Without knowing there's anything else, she can feel comfort in the eyes of a kind nanny whom takes a moment to smile at her.

She's so close to stepping through to the other side, but not quite able to do it yet. As you all know, this wait is longer than expected. We were supposed to get our referral and see her picture this month, but now it seems the tide has changed. We might see her picture and get a referral next month, or perhaps January. It all depends on how many referrals are completed in December. We're hoping for December but preparing for January.

sending our love

With reluctance, I've revised the tickers at the top of this web page, to reflect a more accurate guestimate of when we're to expect a referral for our daughter and our travel dates to go get her. CCAA (The government agency in China that matches families) is moving their building this month, to a bigger building, and they've begun to slow down the rate at which they give referrals. The families waiting for referrals in October still have not received them, and it's now into November, although they are expecting them any day now. Our agency told us today that they expect only half the waiting families for a referral in October will get one this week. We were also told by our agency today to expect our referral to come to us in early December, not mid November, as we had anticipated. I think the hardest part of this wait is knowing that there's a little girl in China, who, although she doesn't know it yet, has parents in California that are anxiously awaiting to hear about her, and know her. We can only pray that she's warm and is feeling loved.

Keep your hands inside at all times

I had hoped this was the Burlap-Sack-Down-A-Slide ride.

I swear I stood in line for that slide ride. We strated standing in line for this ride on Thanksgiving day, 2004. We had decided to adopt a child. I read books, joined forums, bought items. We went to doctor appointments, sent for copies of certificates of all kinds that had State Seals of the fragments of our lives stamped on them. We pushed papers in front of our managers at our jobs, which they signed, seemingly proving our monthly worthiness to work.
Then, one by one, we checked off pieces of the to-do list;
Agency application check
Questionnaire check
Autobiography check
(insist that Scott does one too) check
Scott's reluctant Autobiography check
Certification of identity check
Marriage License check
Divorce Decree check
Financial Statement check
(look franticly for filed IRS return from 2001) check
(find said IRS return) check
Compile three years of IRS returns check
Insurance verification check
Reference letters check
I-134 check
I-600A check
Child abuse clearance check
Police clearances check
(call Sioux Falls police to inquire about records of Scott breaking windows on abandoned building when he was 9 yrs old) check
Advise Scott that this is all worth it check
obtain Passports check
complete homestudy with Social Worker check
CIS Fingerprints check
Physical exams check
(vow to lose weight) check
Income/Expense check
I-171 check
designate guardians check
Intent to adopt letter check

Thus, bringing the time closer to sending our documents to China, and proudly announcing to everyone, "We are now DTC", only to get blank stares from co-workers and family members, while they repeated, "DeeTeeCee?" followed with a "huh?"
"It means, Dossier To China" I would proudly reply.
It was so long getting to this part of the line, and I could finally see the front...but only because it looped around again. But we stood there, and waited.
"What do you mean we are not going to be DTC in March? We turned it all in, in March. The person that takes it for authentication is on vacation? OK so when will we be DTC? Early April? ok...."
What else could we say? We were in the line and we had to keep looking forward.
April came and went....but we WERE Logged in with China in the month of May. May 7th to be precise.
Now what?
Expect a referral in November. But not so quick! We've heard rumors that the November referrals will be for the rest of everyone currently waiting for referrals in October. Perhaps we won't get our referral in November, perhaps we'll get it in December...or January....but then again.....

Does this roller coaster have a slide on it? I paid for the slide ride.

--------To all the waiting families this month--------

~*~ Bippity Boppity Boop ~*~

May this be the week your wishes come true.

May this be the week your life is graced.

May this be the week you see your sweet angel's face.

Red thread thoughts delivered in a red folder

When I got home from work today, Scott showed me that we had received an envelope from our adoption agency. It had been Fed-Ex'd to us. Inside was a big red folder that contains information of "what to expect with the referral" that we are hoping to get next month. NEXT MONTH!
It has all the papers that we can fill-out in advance of going to China, information of what to expect while in China, where we will meet with other traveling families, and expected amounts of money to take to China for the various fees. The first page of the folder includes a note from the agency director;
"You will soon be hearing from us that the time has come for you to come in and see the information about YOUR child. You will be called, as soon as we have the available information, to come see the documents sent for you from the Chinese government. We hope you can come that same day or early the next day."
This made it so real for us! For all the frustration I've had through this process, I now want to kiss the hand of the person that photocopied that letter and placed it into the perfectly thick, red folder. As I read through the rest of the bulk, there were details about fees for this.... and costs for that. It's the first time I can recall actually feeling happy and ready to throw money at someone. It's going to be a tight budget, no doubt....but we are going to China to get our daughter soon. This is so surreal. And the best part of this journey thus far, is to see Scott's eyes light up at the mention of his daughter.

Mama Hao

Similar to “Hush Little Baby” in the English-speaking world, this is the lullabye every Chinese child learns, including babies in orphanages. When viewing orphanage footage, I often see and hear a nanny humming this tune to a baby in her arms, or hear the music softly playing in the background.


Mama Hao (Mandarin)

Shi shang zhi you mama hao.
You ma de hai zi xiang ge bao.
Tou jin mama de huai bao
Xin fu xiang bu liao.

Shi shang zhi you mama hao.
Mei ma de hai zi xiang ge cao.
Li kai mama de huai bao
Xin fu na li zhao.



English translation:

Only Mama is the best in all the world.
With a mama, you have the most valued treasure.
Jump into mama’s heart and
You have endless happiness.

Only Mama is the best in all the world.
Without a mama you are like a piece of grass,
Away from mama's heart,
Where will you find happiness?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We've been able to record this treasure and it will become one of the bedtime lullabye songs for Cadence, as we are certain this will be a very familiar tune for her.
It has a very graceful and soothing sound.

Listen for yourself here.

Ladybugs

I'm not quite sure what the significance is, but ladybugs are a symbol of good luck in China. Perhaps they are good luck because they eat all the bugs that eat the crops. Whatever the reason, ladybugs have become a symbol of luck in the Chinese adoption community as well. When someone sees a ladybug, they post on a forum board that they are sure to have something sent to them in the mail to tell them of progress on their adoption....because they SAW a ladybug!

That sentiment seems to be quite a bit different from Americn culture, as witnessed in this American children's nursery rhyme:
Ladybug! Ladybug!
Fly away home.
Your house is on fire.
And your children are all gone.
All except one, And that’s little Ann,
For she’s hiding under
The frying pan.

YIKES! As a child, it always seemed a bit sad thinking that the ladybug had no idea that her children had flown away. I assumed she was just daft. Perhaps she had basked in the sun too long?
Whatever the differences between the two symbols, ladybugs appear to be happy little critters in real life. People aren't scared of ladybugs. People don't try to smash them, or cring at the thought of one climbing, or grab the fly swatter when one happens to buzz into a room.
I don't really believe in ladybug sightings, but there's no harm in having a pseudo belief in them. After all, I don't believe in Santa now, but every time my mom heard his sleigh bells on Christmas Eve, presents were sure to follow the next day!

Crash Course - CCAA 101...Listen up, class.

The CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs) is the building where all of our documents go, and eventually get matched with a child.

You can click on this link ---> http://familyoffour.homestead.com/June05CCAA.html to view some pretty good pictures of what it's like inside the CCAA. It shows the dossiers that are sent in, and also some that are designated to be sent back, due to lack of proper information. It also shows the matching room and gives more information about how the families are matched. This link is from another family's journey, and they were able to visit the CCAA on their trip (I have never seen this occur before, so I'm assuming it's a fairly uncommon visit). If you keep moving forward to the next button, you can see their daughter. I'm always amazed at the similarities in the features between the parents and child.

We still have a month or two till hearing about our match, but from viewing the link above, it's amazing they actually match as many children as they do, monthly.

AirBorne

OK, so a blogger friend mentioned AirBorne vitamins for traveling to China. And after reading about it, and hearing that our friends didn't get sick when they went to China, I was sold. The suggested usage is 3 pills per day, disolved in water..so we stocked up for the 12 day trip. I also got some for Cadence, to dissolve in water and put into a bottle. I figure we're going to need all the buffer we can get since we're going to be traveling in winter.

I thought they were chewables, so I popped one in my mouth to test the taste and quality. It started fizzing immediately, and although it tasted like Mountain Dew, the fizz was a bit much.
Note to self: read instructions first next time.

Did your husband hit you?

That was the question I got when I showed someone at work what my back looked like, a couple of days after the cupping was done by my acupuncturist, Dr. Lee. I had to laugh, because anyone that knows Scott, knows that he is one of the most gentle natured men around. The most we EVER argue about, is whether or not we are going to go out once in a while, other than to a computer store. And even those disagreements are short lived. We spend most of our time laughing and talking and live very harmoniously together. I can understand why she would pose the question though, the cupping marks look like round bruises....actually more like hickies, because in actuality they are very similar to hickies. The air is suctioned out of the glass cup then placed on the muscle that's sore, and it pulls the muscle back into alignment. The marks do not hurt at all, and between the cupping and acupuncture, it's a very healing process on the body.
I went back to see Dr. Lee again today after work. Dr. Lee has educated me about the history of acupuncture and cupping quite extensively. He is one of the few doctors that still practices cupping in northern California, so I guess I lucked out by finding him. I didn't even know what cupping was before I met him.

Thank you, Dr Lee

Ancient Chinese cures

For a long time now, I've had tendonitis. I've tried everything for it, including ice, heat, and physical therapy. It doesn't really seem to do much good. I even go to a massage therapist once a month, but not for the luxury of it, for the deep tissue massage that allows me to keep working. That helps for a little while, then the pain comes back. Some days, like today, are grooling and I feel like leaving work, but I bear with it, and watch the clock, waiting for the day to be over. Today, after work, I had my first appointment with an acupuncturist. He's the third generation in his family at doing this professionally, and he knows his work.
It was extremely interesting. First, he placed about 6 needles on the outer edges of my right ear, then more on the right side of my back and on my right arm. It honestly didn't hurt any more than someone poking me at first, then nothing. Then he heated my back, for a good half hour. Meanwhile, he would come in and twist the needles to stimulate the nerves.
After that, he did cupping on my back...the air is suctioned out of round cups and placed on the muscle tissue. The cups stayed in that position for at least 20 more minutes. This pulls on the muscles, allowing them to relax. Scott says my back now looks like it has pepperoni adorning it, from the cup marks. I go back on Thursday. Perhaps by then my back will no longer look like a pizza.

The doctor also told me some very interesting tidbits about the Chinese languages. Cantanese and Mandarin are both written using the same Chinese characters. Cantanese, he says, is a more colorful language, but written Cantanese characters have been lost over time, so they rely on the characters for both Cantanese and Mandarin in one written character format.

My Daughter's Crayons (written by Tim Keiderling)

“Daddy, I want to color!” These are the first words out of my daughter’s mouth every day when she dashes in our front door after kindergarten. I can tell she has something in her mind that needs to get on paper. She doesn’t have time to take off her jacket or sit down, or even go to the bathroom. I rush the box of crayon stubs and the paper onto the table where she stands next to her chair. She is fidgeting from one foot to the other in a way we grownups know means that something urgent is being put off too long.

But how can I stop her? My wonderful girl—hair disheveled from the dash home, tongue sticking out between her teeth in concentration, jacket fallen down behind her shoulders with the sleeves bunched around her elbows. She is coloring furiously, filling that clean, white sheet with the images that fill her mind: flowers, trees, daddies, children, sunshine, angels, mommies. Every face wears that little upward curve that seems to be the natural human expression in my child’s world. It means happy.

Watching my daughter, I have come to believe that my college psychology teacher was wrong. The fundamental human drive – what it is that we most want to do and need to do – is not to have sex, nor to have power. It is to create. That’s what “soul” is. That’s what makes us human. I don’t mean my daughter (or most of the rest of us) will ever be a great composer or painter. But what is life anyway, if it isn’t a clean sheet of white paper? And what is life’s meaning if it isn’t to fill the paper with beauty?

But where to start? The best medium, better even than crayon, is the simplest act of love for others. The desire to sacrifice, to suffer patiently, to appreciate nature reverently—all are impulses toward a creative life. This weekend I read profiles of some of the young U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq. They all were happy six-year-olds at one time. They wanted to fill their paper with a masterpiece that was all their own. They were proud to serve. They were ready to give everything they had. And then there are the fallen Iraqis, soldiers and civilians. And too many children. What varied and exquisite lives are being snuffed out when they have scarcely had time to touch pen to paper?

My daughter looks up at me triumphantly, flushed with the enthusiasm of one who has completed a great work while under extreme inner duress—she still can’t stand still. “Look Daddy, this is an Easter Bunny hiding eggs for me and Mommy and you!”
So that is what was on her mind. I never would have guessed. I couldn’t have drawn that picture. It is hers. But suddenly I want more than anything to be sure her paper is as big and un-smudged as possible. I want her crayon set to be brand new like the ones we got her on the first day of kindergarten.

As a father, perhaps that is what I wish for my child more than anything else. I want her to fill her paper with the vibrant colors of love. Every child born has such a set. Teach them to use it and to love doing it. This is the “more excellent way.” This is the way they can create what is most truly their very own in all its special beauty.

To create is to be happy. The only unhappy ones among us are those who lost their crayons somewhere along the way, who forgot about the sheet of paper. Maybe they thought they could scribble on it and then crumple it up and throw it away. But you can’t do that with this sheet.
No creative effort is wasted. Someday we’ll grasp the harmony of a design so mighty that we presently have a hard time following a single line of its pattern. Eternity won’t be long enough to contemplate the subtlety of its detail, the explosive joy of its color. My handiwork, yours, and that of our enemy will be in it. None will be too awkward or confused. So I say, may each of our children come home safely. And may we make time for the artwork that waits to spring from them out of God’s endless imagination.
-Tim Keiderling

Start Here -----> (X)

OK...so what does someone do when they don't know what to do?
They start doing it anyway.


We've been buying Cady's things for several months, but just stacking everything on the floor and on her dresser. Everything from puzzles to books to toys...stacked and tucked away in the big storage place we theoretically refer to as "Cady's room"
I bought a Hip Hammock today, along with several 18 month and 24 month thermals, some baby bottles, bibs and a really cute toddler sweater.

We decided several months ago to use a cabinet that we had in the computer room, for a toy cabinet for Cady. It's been sitting in her room waiting for us to take the doors off for several months now. After helping Scott try on the Hip Hammock (and wishing I had the camera in my hand at the time), he got inspirational and started fixing the cabinet....yeah!!






















Tomorrow we're going to attempt to put safety latches on the kitchen and bathroom cabinets. We still have a ways to go with Cady's bedroom. We've been collecting medicines, clothes, toys and dolls for several months now. And as of this weekend we've officially started getting her room and the rest of the house ready for her.

I dunno

The adoption ticker at the top of our blog is a good guess...but we don't really know when Cady is coming home. The ticker is based on bringing her home December 15th. I figured that's a good guess. But we really don't know. We don't know so many important things that make a difference in preparing for her arrival.

I think the hardest part of our wait is the not knowing.

We don't know what age she'll be. We don't know if we should get a crib or a toddler bed. We don't know if we should get a high chair. We don't know what size clothes to get her. We don't know if she'll be in foster care or if she now has a special relationship with a nanny. We don't know the exact date that we'll get the referral call. We don't know if we'll be able to take the day off work when we'll be anxiously wanting to see our daughter's pictures at the agency on referral day. We don't know if it'll be love at first sight or if we're going to have to grow accustomed to her. We don't know if she'll have a bad-BAD haircut in the referral picture. We don't know if she'll have a good haircut in the referral picture and a bad-BAD haircut on Gotcha Day. We don't know when we'll travel to get our daughter-December or January. We don't know if she'll be teething when we get her. We don't know if she's going to be outgoing or reserved. We don't know if she's already going to have an aggressive or passive personality. We don't know if she's going to be clingy or independent. We don't know if she's going to be sick with a cold in the middle of winter when we go to China. We don't know if WE are going to be sick with a cold in the middle of winter when we go to China.

There's so much we don't know. But we DO know why so many people say that the paper chasing and the bazillion things on the check list before sending documents to China, is easier than the 6-7 month wait afterwords. At least in the paper chase, you KNOW what to do and what to expect on a daily and weekly basis.

Recovered vehicle

As you might recall in this post my son's car was stolen last month.

His car is a very well kept '93 Honda Accord. It was recovered on September 12th. His car is intact, but they scratched the hood and sides of the car. The thief also ran it out of oil..Not good. They did, however, armorall the interior (how nice), and wipe all their fingerprints off before abandoning it. Daniel said they left the interior cleaner than when they stole it (such good manners). I suppose this is a blessing though, now he can have it painted and fixed up to run like new again..Hopefully better than it was, or the insurance company will pay him out. It's an excellent car with only 60K miles, that was my mom's and she sold it to Daniel for a good price a year ago.

As for my son, Daniel, he's doing well. His girlfriend's mother has graciously opened her home (and her heart) for him to live there temporarily, while he and Char look for a new place together. He's doing GREAT at his new job, and it pays well. Things are looking up for the both of them right now. It's going to be progressive because the thieves took everything he had when they burglarized his apartment. But he is very blessed with his job, a safe place to live, and surrounded by people that care about him.

What more could a mother want?

Our adoption timeline

Adoption Timeline: 16 months from beginning to end

November 25, 2004 - March 23, 2006

2004
November 25 - Decision to adopt- Thanksgiving Day

November 30- Orientation at Heartsent International Adoptions

December 10- LiveScan fingerprinting (California clearance)
- 1st Fingerprinting (State)

December 12- 1st home study with our social worker

2005
January 12 - 2nd home study

January 21 - 3rd home study

February 1 - Home study completed/sent to BCIS
(Citizenship and Immigration Services)

February 18 - Signed China agreement with Heartsent International

February 25 - Sacramento County Fingerprints
- 2nd Fingerprinting (County)

February 26 - FBI Fingerprinted (BCIS)
- 3rd Fingerprinting (Federal)

March 15 - Submitted final paperwork for DTC (Documents To China)

April 14 - Documents were translated into Mandarin,
and Fed-Ex'd to China

May 6 - LID (The date that China officially "Logs In Documents")

May 28 - The "Brown Envelope" arrived from the U.S. Consulate
of Guangzhou, China.
This envelope has all the documents that we will
need to take with us to China, including
our daughter's visa application.

October 27 - The "Red Folder" arrived from our adoption agency.
This folder contains all the information about receiving the call,
and is packed with info for our itinerary while we're in China.

2006
January 26 - Our referral, - The debut of Cadence Fae

March 16 - Travel to China

March 20 - Gotcha Day !!!

March 27 - US Consulate appointment

March 29 - Journey's end...We return home, and so begins the new jurney.

Happybirthday...toooooomeeeeeee!

That's right! Yesterday was my birthday. I spent the day before my birthday convinced that I was turning 43, then a friend at work promptly counted on his fingers (by 10s) to prove to me that I was turning 44. Umm....dammit!

Scott came home from work with a boquet of flowers that he had designed at the local florest. I purchased a new Motorola cell phone (with all the gadgets), got a call from Scott's mom, from my mom, from my dad, from my brother and my son, all wishing me a happy birthday. We were going to go to Napa for the weekend but decided to stay home and save the money to get a video camera for when we go to China.
I told Scott that next year he can make me a birthday cake with Cady...he said that won't be happening, unless she has an Easybake Oven. Now, why didn't I know that already?

Peace, love, revenue

The picture above is of Cherie and I. She makes coming to work a lot of fun. There's never a dull moment with her around. She keeps me abreast of the latest bazarro news that she finds from the internet tabloids. Just when you think you've heard it all, Cherie finds yet another note of interest to discuss. Of course, she finds humor in almost anything anyway. So, even if it's "regular" news, I'm still entertained by her wit.



Today was colors day at work..each team was to wear a certain color...well, my manager, Moriah (the blonde in the center), LOVES tie dye as much as I do, so our team color was "tie dye". Of course, she and I were the only 70's children in the group that believed in rainbow shirts, tie dyes and the Grateful Dead. (her parents never let her go to a Dead concert because her dad got into an argument with Jerry Garcia once at a party....those were the days!) So, between the two of us, we supplied the whole team with tie dye shirts for the day.
It was probably the most fun I've had at work in a while.

Time. Destiny. Chance?

Time seems to be going by so slowly. We found out from our adoption agency that our dossier did not get logged in with the Chinese officials (CCAA) until May 8th. Usually, if the documents are already translated, the log in period is two weeks at most. They were sent over on April 14th, and CCAA received them on April 18th, but for some unknown reason, they did not log in our information to their system till May. There was no logical explanation for this occurance. All of our documents were translated to Mandarin before being sent to China, so the translation of the documents did not delay them. What this means for our family, is that we are expecting to get a referral 6 months from May, instead of 6 months from April. UGH! Waiting 6 months from April is hard enough. So, it now looks as if we will be getting our referral sometime in mid/late November. Unless....by some miracle, CCAA combines early May log in dates with the month of April. We're definitely not counting on it though.

I've had discussions with others about destiny. I've come to the conclusion that before sending documents to China, free will is at play. We could have, at any time, backed out and never, ever adopted a child from China. We could have waited a few months before sending documents to China. We could have waited a year if we wanted to...All of which would have changed destiny and changed the outcome of which child we would receive, if any child at all. But, I have also come to the conclusion that once our documents are sent to China, (or are determined to), at that moment in time, ONE child is chosen for us, and we for her.... and we are destined to be together. Everything takes place from then on, for the sole purpose of uniting us with our chosen daughter. There are no mistakes at this point.

A friend from one of the forums I am involved with stated it like this:

"My point is that there is no 'ten minutes earlier or later' in this
universe. Everything in our lives unfolds in a single linear form. You
can't go back and change things. To ponder "what if's" is pointless,
they will never be. We have only the here and now.

Right this moment, you are on a path that will lead you to one specific
child. That yet unknown (to you) child is also on a path that will
ultimately lead her to you, and only you. Calling it, fate, chance,
choice, or destiny doesn't change what happens. there are an infinite
number of forces at play right now, which all are part of bringing you
both together."

How utterly eloquent. I believe he is right. And we were just a tad bit early for Cadence.

Hello old friend...

Well, it's been a while since I posted here. Obviously, we are still in the wait cycle so there isn't much to report on that. However, things have been very busy at the homefront. Daniel (my son) had his apartment broken into, and they took everything he has, and used his car to take everything!! He was devistated. Fortunately we have comp on the car, so if it isn't recovered in a matter of 3 weeks, he will get a pay out for another, similar vehicle. He didn't have renters insurance though. Lesson learned....if you're renting, get renters insurance. It pays for itself with one claim. He'll be starting again from scratch, but maybe it's for the better. The upside is that he started wonderful job that pays very well, and he started that yesterday. The car insurance is paying for a car rental until we get the pay out on the car, or they find it.

He's planning on moving to a new apartment with his girlfriend, Char (picture of them above)soon. I don't know her very well yet, but so far I adore her. They seem to be good for each other. Her mother has been so helpful to Daniel while he recovers from his apartment break-in. I can't begin to say how much of a relief it is to know that someone is there for him during such a devistating time in his life. He has really grown through all of this though. Strange how that works sometimes.

Welcome to Holland-by Emily Perl Kingsley

When you're planning to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip—to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo. David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland.

The Train Ride-(From another family, while receiving their son)

(This story was shared on a forum, and I had to share it here because it was so beautifully written.)

On Friday morning (7-8-05) Paul, LiLi and I boarded a train in Taiyuan (with the assistance of our guide, "Barry") for the 5+ hour train trip south to Yuncheng.

Now when I say we "boarded the train" it sounds like such a simple, hassle-free thing... But it was nothing of the sort. If one wants to get "off the beaten path" in China one must be prepared for some.....Discomfort ;o)

We arrived at the Taiyuan Central Train Station and swam into the veritable "sea" of people all headed for the same train that we were; there were probably 500 - 1000 other people all crowded into the terminal with suitcase, and bags of coal strapped to their backs, and chickens, and children and ....Each and everyone of them thought we were quite the site to see. SO if you don't like being in a fish bowl then steer clear of the train station or any other super crowded place. We just smiled and had a good time of it.

Barry was able to walk us all the way to the train and straight to our seats - so that was a HUGE deal as we would never have made it otherwise! Then it was "bye bye Barry" and we were on our own - headed south to Yuncheng!!! CHUG CHUG CHOO CHOO and away we went!

The first part of the journey was flat terrain, less plateau. There was field upon field of corn and apples and cauliflower, and other veggies. There were farmhouses and people working in the fields. Mother, Father, and children all in a row hoeing and planting and weeding.

Eventually the fields started to give way to mountains and mountains of coal, and blackened men working in every capacity with the coal. They were breaking it up, and shoveling it into bags, and driving machines that moved it from one place to the next..(keep in mind that it was probably about 90 degrees with 90% humidity outside).

Then we started heading into the mountains...
The terrain here was very similar to the high desert terrain in Utah, Arizona, Colorado and New Mexico...Dry, hot, craggy, beautiful..And old. AND it is here that one starts to see the "cave" homes that so many people live in here. YES, I did say cave homes. We learned about this when we were in LiLi's province last year - as the terrain and living situations are similar.

Our guide in LiLi's province told us that these caves/homes have been used for thousands of years, and that when a new one is dug out what they do is put a pig inside the cave for 3 days -and if the pig does not die then they know that there are no gases and that it is then ok for humans to move in.

There are no "amenities" of running water or electricity.. So the river or stream nearby becomes a critical life element for these mountainous families. The nicer of these cave homes have a facade of sorts put on the front, but most of them are not that way. I will include some photos of them in the TRAIN file later on). There were mile upon mountainous mile of these cave homes, and the stepped fields that these families tend each day. Some of them have sheep that they herd. Usually the caves were in clusters and neighbors were helping neighbors...So so poor...One cannot begin to imagine life as it is for these hard working people. We must remember that these are the hard working families that our children come from.

As we came out of the mountains into the hills there were more fields... And men and women ploughing with both horses and oxen pulling the ancient ploughs - leather straps tided to farmer and beast to make one piece of "machinery" to till the soil.

Old men in Mao hats on ancient bicycles, and old women beating the laundry against rocks in the river. Young mothers with babies peeling vegetables for dinner as they squatted in dooryards, and fathers and sons sitting by the railroad tracks to watch the "iron beast" go by. And the coal miners...Always the blackened coal miners sweating and pounding and lifting and toiling...So hot, so hard working....

The images are vivid ones.. Like a trip back in time. The Good Earth (read it if you haven't) is alive and well and working so hard in North Central China....

As we looked out the window of our train - we felt spoiled and less productive in our lives than these amazingly resilient, hard working people. We tried to watch with RESPECT - not pity - since that is exactly what these people deserve. These people ARE our children's people...These are the solid, ancient people that give them all of their beauty and determination. (I think that each of us with children from China would certainly say that our children are nothing if not determined!!).

As these scenes rolled by we were all the more clear about the fact we cannot judge these families when they find it necessary to "abandon" their children. They have nothing..There is no doctor to fix a cleft lip, so surgeon to mend the injuries, there is no "Planned Parenthood", there is no money...There is no anything extra...No help from the government...Their reality is the soil to be tilled, and the coal to be mined, and life in a cave home with no running water....And yet they came to the train tracks to wave as we rode by....

Tomorrow one of their own will be entrusted to us...A son of their own will become one of our family. The HUGENESS of this gift and this responsibility is heavy on our shoulders. We are humbled in the face of the proud people that our son comes from. We know that his ancestors will never be far from him.. And watching to be sure that we do right by him for the privilege of receiving him as our son.

Before adopting LiLi we were an average "white" family, but then LiLi was entrusted to us - and we became a Chinese family. Now we are being entrusted with another child - a son of China - and we become even more indebted to these people for their generosity and faith that we will somehow do right by their children. These thoughts are heavy on our minds today on the eve of our adoption of YunDong. We are filled with respect and gratitude and awe. We have taken the time to learn the CORRECT way to pronounce his Chinese name, and the correct way to say the name of the city he is from - so that we can teach him the correct way to say it...To show our respect we have learned these things.

We took a train ride back in time.
We saw the land where our son was born.
We saw his people - now also our people - hard at work as we rode by. They stopped their toiling to wave to us - do they know somehow that we are here for him, and they want to tell us that it is ok that we are taking him away from them for a time? We hope that is what they are saying...They smile, they wave - we smile and wave and then we are gone....But we vow not to forget who they are and where our children come from.

Cheryl and Paul Cutting
Proud parents of Dang YunDong born 9/19/01 in Shanxi Province, China.

New families were created yesterday

"Love" in Mandarin
"The daughters of China, they fly across the seas. Off to unseen places and possibilities.
They are gifts to those who cherish them, by those who just could not.
Acts of hope and faith and love, that we never will forget."
-song lyrics by Tim Chauvin


Yesterday, families across the world, that have been waiting for the precious pictures of their children arrived by Fed-Ex. Most of these families have been waiting 6-7 months to see the picture of their new child. Until now, it has been a complete wonder to them. They have loved their child without seeing its face, or knowing its personality.
I was lucky enough to experience this happiness vicariously through several of my friends that received the picture yesterday. It was as if I was watching a family unfold. They are now a forever family. I've been told that CCAA (the matching team in China), work very hard to match parents with a child that looks like them. While I was viewing the pictures yesterday, it seemed as if I could see biological details in the child that looked similar to one or both of the parents..Same eyes as the mother, same cheeks as the father...same shaped face as one of the parents. Perhaps it was just me trying to see similarities, but it seems so true that they are all perfect matches.
We have three more months before we can see Cady's picture. Strangely, I already feel as if I know who she is. The closer we get to our adoption, the more I feel as if there truly is an invisible string that is bringing her closer and closer to us, as a forever family.

More referrals, please!

Hello,
My name is Karen, and I have an addiction to referrals.
It didn't start that way. It started with only ONE autobiography...then I asked my husband if he would do an autobiography too. He obliged. We soon invited our Social Worker into our home so that she could supply us with a homestudy. We were introduced to a Notary Public. Notaries seemed harmless, but I soon found I was doing three or four a day, easily.... and getting doubles of each. Within just a couple of months, I moved on to Dossier photos. That's right, the PHOTOS! It was definitely progressive.

And now, I can't stop. I have a referral monkey on my back...referrals. It just builds up. I can go three, maybe four weeks, but then I have to have my referral fix.

WOO HOOO Only three more weeks till MORE referrals.

Please don't judge me harshly for my addiction. I really can't control it.
Karen~ referral junky

Some clothing that I adore

The reddish dress on top, with the fuzzy bear was the very first dress I bought for Cady, about 2 weeks after we decided to adopt her. Scott rolled his eyes when he found out I purchased a dress already, but when he saw it, he smiled too. The outfit below it to it is a Le Top creation. I LOVE Le Top. All of their outfits are so adorable! This one I had to get because it has fairies hanging off of the flower pockets. ((Click on the pink and green outfit to see a larger view of the fairies))




Next, the hats were hand made with very soft yarn for her little head. This lavender outfit is just adorable. I love the legs. I'm hoping that it will fit her when we go to China, because I want it to be one of the first outfits she wears.




















And of course....we have Karen's pick and Scott's pick for what to wear when it gets cold. The red dress jacket was one of the better things I've ever gotten off of ebay. The Steeler's jacket is going to make her a daddy's girl, by default if nothing else.

Feels so good to have good friends.

So...While we pass the time, I thought I'd share what my good friend, Cherie wrote in her Letter of Recommendation to China, for adopting. I have put this, and other important papers into Cady's LifeBook for her to see later. When I first read the letter she wrote, it made me cry. Especially at the end, with the way that she so eloquently stated that she is happy, not for us, but for our child. I love Cherie as the dear friend that she is, and am very proud that she loves me back.

December 14, 2004
To the adoption staff;

I have known Karen & Scott for almost four years and I live in the same neighborhood as they do. Our neighborhood is family oriented and a great place to live. I have children myself, and they say they would not want to live anywhere else. Our area is middle-to upper income families, with a variety of races and cultures. It is safe and very clean, nice parks and places for children small, and older.

I met Karen through our common job. We used to car pool together. We work very closely in our office. Because I work so closely with Karen, I feel qualified to say that in watching her interactions with our co-workers and customers, I have come to realize she is a very loving and empathetic person. She is also very perceptive and keenly intellectual. She knows how to approach and handle difficult situations with a calm and relaxed attitude. She is definitely someone I would trust to be a good and loving parent as well as role model.

Scott, as Karen's husband is a perfect match. If it can be said that someone is more practical and calm, it would have to be Scott. He is a very intellectual and loving person. He is anxious to be a father so that he can share his wealth of knowledge and share in the formation of life for a little person. He is very relaxed and is not afraid of the challenges that come with parenthood. He is very eager for the chance to be a father.

When Karen told me about her and Scott's wish to adopt, I could not have been more excited, for their baby. They will make good, soothing, stable and intelligent parents. They are good people. They have very good occupations, and only want and need a child to give the abundance of love and care that they have to offer. They will make marvelous parents.


Sincerely,

Cherie Childs

What a beautiful sentiment

"Where did I come from?" the baby asked it's mother.
She answered, half-crying, half-laughing,
and clasping the baby to her breast:
"You were hidden in my heart as its desire, my darling.
You were in the dolls of my childhood games.
In all my hopes and in all my loves, in my life.
In the lap of the Eternal Spirit you have been nursed
and anticipated for ages."

-Rabindranath Tagore

Keegan's world

Keegan, you haven't a CLUE. The storm named Cadence will soon be crashing down on your little world of All-about-me.

Some parental thoughts

Why is it, that, when you are not considering the impact of becomming new parents, TV shows and commercials having to do with educating parents seems so insignificant? But when you start to consider becomming a parent, you find yourself waiting for Nanny 911 to come on TV, so that you can argue with the parents, while in the privacy of your own home. Or, you easily notice the cereal commercial and become instantly glued to the TV and adore the fact that it features the toddler and his parent bonding over Cheerios, and it feels like a Hallmark moment. And when did Diaper bags stop looking like diaper bags?

Sonogram of our daughter!?!

This is the very first image of our daughter. Isn't she lovely? A little larger than we expected, and older too, but we adore her! All joking aside, we are very anxiously awaiting the referral so we can bring her home. We have no idea what she looks like, or her age or even if she is currently in foster care or an orphanage. But we know she is there now. We had originally expected our daughter in September, but we got held up by a few glitches in the adoption system. We have learned that this process is a very fluid one, indeed. Currently, our expected time to go to China, is in November, although that can certainly change if paperwork gets backed up while waiting for them to match us in China. At one time, our Social Worker asked us, "Why China? Why adoption?" and Scott's response was very poetic. He said, "We have a daughter in China. She doesn't know it yet, but our daughter is waiting for us to finish all this paperwork so that we can come get her, and bring her home."
....And so begins our journey.

Hurry-up and wait

And the wait continues!
This week, several of my friends from the forums of which I'm participating, are expecting their referrals for adoption. I have no idea how they keep going with their daily lives, knowing that any day, any minute, they will be getting a call to advise them to come to their agency to review the referral of their child. I feel like we're in a never ending wait room for a labor that lasts 6 months. When we finally get our referral, (most likely in October....4 months and counting), it will be a scramble to catch up. I've already purchased a lot of really cute 2t clothes, but most likely they will be too large for her, even if she is 2 yrs old. So, we will be scrambling to get the right sized clothes, purchasing a crib/bed, and stocking up on diapers (also not sure of the size yet), all in the span of one month from referral to travel time.
It's going to be coooold in China during November also. We will most likely start in Hong Kong, or Shanghai, then move on to Gaunzhou, where the U. S. Consulate is located. Then fly to the Provence that our daughter is in....Then back to Gaunzhou. Now, here is where it will get interesting. Elderly Chinese women are notorious for being "clothing police". Even in springtime, when weather conditions are in the 70s, these women scold parents who are seen on the streets with their babies, but without 3 layers of clothes on them. They have earned the title, and appear to be proud to carry the clothing police badge. It's customary in China to bundle-up toddlers, with 8-10 layers of clothes during the winter months. Many referral pictures have the child so bundled up that they can't move their arms.
They remind me of the marshmallow man on Ghost Busters. I've been warned that, while in China, if we venture outside with our daughter, the clothing police grandma's will walk up to us and examine her layers of clothes, if there are less than 3 layers, a jacket and hat, ....We will be ticketed with an index finger shaken at us, and then promptly reprimanded in Mandarin. Apparently, they take their self proclaimed jobs very seriously.
I can't wait....really!!

Accidental Adoption?!?

Have you ever noticed that you hear all the time about "accidental" pregnancies, but never about couples who experience "accidental" adoptions? Can you imagine:

Honey, sit down. I have some news for you.

What is it?

Well, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just come out with it.
I went out to the mailbox today and ... well, we got an I-171H.

A what?!? An I171H? As in, we're going to have a baby?!?

It looks that way.

But how? We've been so careful! I put away all the blank I600A
forms. Didn't you hide our homestudy update?

Of course I did. But don't forget, there was that one night...

What night? (pauses) Ohhh, that night. But it was only once. We
were just messing around. It didn't print clearly. I didn't even use
ink! (pauses again) But it was kind of fun.

(giggles) It was, wasn't it? I'll never forget how cute you looked
getting your fingerprints.

So now we've got our I-171H, eh? But that doesn't always mean
you'll adopt, does it? I mean, shouldn't you see the agency or
something, make sure everything's okay?

I already did.

And?

I'm five documents along.

Five documents! And they're all notarized, certified and
authenticated okay?

Just great. There was one small scare when the agency couldn't see
the notary's middle initial, but it showed up just fine under the
magnifying glass.

Thank God. And you, honey? Are you feeling okay?

I'm feeling fine. As long as I know you're happy about this.

Happy? I'm thrilled! It's always a shock at first when something
like this happens, but of course I'm happy!



The I-171H and I-600A are two of MANY documents needed for international adoption.

The waiting couple

Sign the new guestbook above!!

I just added the link on the top to sign/view the guestbook. OK, now I KNOW there are visitors lately, and it took all the smarts I have to teach myself how to add the sign/view guestbook, so you're not getting off the hook so easily!
All y'all, sign our guestbook before you leave.