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Saturday, January 07, 2006

Yes, I do exist (posted by Scott)

So my first entry into this, our journey.

Though I have waited this long to expose my own thoughts and feelings here in a public format, I have always been involved with the writings here, though always in the background in an advisory position. Sometimes I helped, other times I may have made things worse.

I was originally apprehensive when Karen started this blog, as that which you have become privy to is our private lives, thoughts, and experiences. When it was clear to me the level of commitment that Karen had for this, I was happy that she was able to find a medium for sharing this experience with family and friends.

I'll tell you a little something about Karen and her postings here. In her writings, she appears calm, cool, and collected. This is really not entirely true. Karen reads a lot of message boards covering adoptions, particularly those from China. It's a wonderful source for information and comaraderie. It has been invaluable to us both in getting through all of this.

Recent discussions that we have had involve bonding with our daughter. One of the first apparent obstacles with an adopted child is forming that bond. Many people, Karen included become extremely concerned about this issue. From the first meeting with our agency, this has been stressed to us. What you do not see is when Karen tells me of things she has read, with visible concern in her eyes.

My answer is always the same. This will not happen to us.

At this point she will stop, look at me, then relax. This is not some bold overconfidence that causes me to so easily answer her concerns with just a few words. It's not that I have any secret mystical formula to use to ensure this. Every child, has problems and issues, whether they are born from us, or born for us. It doesn't matter whether these children were born in different cities, states, or even countries. Sure, the issues can vary culturally, and Karen and I will see obstacles that are different from the family across the street. They will be different indeed, but they will not be unique, and they will not be more or less extreme.

We will have successes, and we will have failures. Sometimes we will choose the right path, and sometimes perhaps the wrong one. We are going to make mistakes. These are the standard parental issues. We can only fail at parenting if we stop trying, and we will not. This is how I can so easily answer those concerns she has. We're going to make mistakes. All parents make mistakes. If parenting were easy, most everyone would have kids...

Oh wait...

All this I can go through with absolute confidence of success. If I spend all my time worrying about succeeding, I will likely miss out on the joys of the journey, and I definitely don't want to miss out on any of this.

Besides, I do have a couple of secret weapons. The first I will share with you now, the second I will save for another posting. Here you will now see why everything will be alright.

Einstein says it will be ok. You can't argue that.


At 8:46 PM, Blogger Karen said...

Thanks sweetie...You've always known how to calm my nerves. And I certainly can't argue with good ole Albert.

At 3:37 PM, Blogger Lori said...


Very well put! I am right there with you in the timeline and you have voiced some of my concerns. Sometimes the groups can get you a little crazy.


You have a great guy there!


At 8:58 PM, Blogger The Brewer Family said...

Great blog :) Our family is LID 4/27 and we are looking forward to meeting you in China!!

Bridget Brewer
Fort Riley, KS
an April Panda sister!!

At 9:34 AM, Blogger Monica said...

Isn't it great when you can balance each other out in a relationship. Isn't it great that will flow into your relationship as parents. That is why Cady is a lucky girl!

Monica- mei dreams
(mk on msn)

At 10:47 AM, Anonymous nickmarine said...

I think the very best event here is that a child will be given for free the vast opportunities that she would never have seen in China. Children are a journey and everyday is different, as they change and personalities grown for better or worse the change is amazing to witness. Remember to stop and teach when they are watching you do something even mundane as they have never cut up an Apple or helped with seemingly meaningless task as dinner or making brownies. Soon you will find the best helper ever and the time spent is priceless. I remember a story from a Mom whose dishwasher was broken and each day a different child had to help her do the dishes and she got to talk to them one on one about their day. To this day the dishwasher is still broken, precious time spent together.

At 11:07 AM, Blogger happyandblue2 said...

I think the two of you will be great parents..

At 6:29 PM, Blogger Donna said...

Scott, it's wonderful to finally hear from you! Karen is amazing so I shouldn't be surprised that she snagged an equally amazing man.

I can't wait to see you two become parents to Cady!


At 7:10 PM, Anonymous Cherie Childs said...

Karen bugged me and bugged me to read this blog with Scotts' newest entry and of course I forgot and of course once again it was (sob!) heartwarming! Who knew that behind that laid back exterior lurked-----a poet! Scott that was beeeyootiful! Karen you and Cady are so lucky to have such a Dad and husband. Hold tight Karen your day is coming! Love cherie

At 3:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband and I wholeheartedly agree. You meet the child where they are at and go from there. We did that with the boys and we will do that with our Chinese daughter.
Thinking of you during the long wait and beyond.


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